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There are so many things that make up a person. I know that "things" isn't the right word, but I can't think of something that adequately describes what a person even would be made of. Dreams, accomplishments, interests, regrets, mistakes, wishes, relationships, etc.
I love ballet. I want to teach ballet, and I want to dance ballet. It's part of who I am. But my heart also yearns for the actress side of me. The little bite of real acting that I got at the age of ten in a production of Babes in Toyland in Salt Lake City. The countless drives to Ogden for rehearsals of Music Man when I was twelve. The ten-hour dress rehearsals of Jana's plays throughout high school. I miss that.
My heart yearns for the flute. The peak of my playing my Senior year when I was practicing daily and could play Carnival of Venice like a pro. When I began to see what my practicing had accomplished and considered going on to play in a symphony.
I miss French. Learning an entire other language and knowing I could go to one of my favorite countries and speak with the natives and be as at home as I felt. Recognizing an entire sentence and understanding words in conversation and feeling completley fulfilled.
I miss seeing my friends in the halls every day at DHS. And going downstairs to talk to my parents or siblings, or better yet, having my littlest sister barge into my room and demand to "play the tute" or ask "what are you doing?"
In some ways those things feel like another life. In many ways, they were. I want to reconnect with all of them again someday, but I probably won't do so in the time frame or intensity as I would like. But that's the bittersweet part of life, and the difficulty of time. Time goes by and life changes. I'm thankful I get to do so much in life, and realize I have to make the most of every single second. But sometimes the reminiscing turns to longing and you remember the bitter part of living. Life has it's own side affects I suppose.

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